


greetings from the past

by tangentiallly



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26052778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangentiallly/pseuds/tangentiallly
Summary: Jerome receives a visit from someone who claims to be Lemony Snicket.
Relationships: Lemony Snicket & Jerome Squalor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	greetings from the past

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: I don't own ASOUE

“Lemony Snicket,” Jerome repeated dubiously. He was trying to keep the suspicion out of his voice because he was never the confrontational type. “I don’t want to argue, but I thought you - if you indeed are Lemony Snicket as you claimed - died.”

“The reports of my death had been greatly exaggerated.” Lemony replied. “We have met before, on a mountain trip, actually. Perhaps if you search your memories, you could confirm that I am, indeed, Lemony Snicket.”

Jerome frowned. “Are you referring to the one where the eagles flew away with Beatrice?”

“Yes,” Lemony agreed. “I see you remember the event well.”

“My … memories are a little hazy. I mostly just remember being shocked and scared, and I didn’t pay much attention to Jacques and Beatrice’s associates.” Jerome said guardedly.

The reports of Jerome Squalor’s naivety and how easy he would be convinced were apparently some degree of exaggeration as well, Lemony thought. He hadn’t expected this to be hard. From what he had heard, Jerome was trusting, and somewhat of a pushover. Just for once, Lemony admitted it would probably be handy if he had a family group photo - a clear one where all of their faces could be seen - of him and Jacques and Kit, so he could prove to Jerome Squalor that he was indeed Lemony Snicket.

“Perhaps we could talk this over tea, if you’ll invite me in?” Lemony offered. He had taken a long trip here, and he’s quite thirsty now. He hadn’t anticipated any arguments on Jerome’s part, he supposed it was his fault that he hadn’t planned for that. “Or root beer floats, perhaps, if you have them.”

He dropped the piece of information about root beer float, in hopes of maybe Jacques or Beatrice had once mentioned he enjoyed root beer floats, and perhaps this would make Jerome believe him.

Apparently, neither Beatrice or Jacques ever mentioned, or Jerome forgot, or it was too much of a popular drink that Jerome didn’t think this meant anything.

“I don’t want to argue with you,” Jerome said with a frown. “But I’m not sure if I could trust you.”

 _With all due respect_ , Lemony thought somewhat snidely. _If I want to harm you I could’ve easily done so by now. It’s very unwise and reckless of you to stand here unarmed continuing a conversation with me if you don’t really trust me. As someone who’s experienced in running away from enemies, I could give you a few useful tips._

“With all due respect,” Lemony said out loud, in a tone less snide than the one he recited in his head, he assumed. “If I wish to harm you, I could have done so already.” He had to resist pointing out in detail Jerome’s lack of security for this house and ways he could’ve broken in easily.

Jerome looked alarmed, so Lemony added. “But I won’t, as I do not want to harm you.”

Jerome frowned again, then finally said, “I don’t want to argue with you, but Jacques once told me that in his family’s line of work, there are often people trying to impersonate each other. And that sometimes there would be villainous people impersonating him to get close to me. I had to assume that meant there are people with motives to impersonate his brother Lemony as well.”

Lemony was a bit surprised that Jacques would tell Jerome this much. He had assumed Jacques had always just kept Jerome in the dark about everything, because that had been how Jacques always operated - deciding it was his duty and his burden alone to protect everyone, and making secret plans and fragmentary plots keeping most people in the dark about details for safety reasons. That had been why Jacques had always been so secretive about the missions he was on, that had been why Jacques had single-handedly plotted Lemony’s escape and fake death and kept Kit in the dark. 

For a moment, Lemony was briefly annoyed that his secretive brother actually let Jerome in on things than necessary, while in the past he had often outright refused to tell Lemony his whole plan in the past and just asked Lemony to trust him and go along with it. A moment later, Lemony decided it was probably too petty a thing to be annoyed about, especially considering Jacques was no longer here to defend himself. Plus, it had just been generic advice he’d given to Jerome, Lemony told himself he really didn’t need to get annoyed at that.

“He’s not wrong,” Lemony said finally. “Our enemies had impersonated both him and I in the past.”

Jerome nodded in relief. “Thank you for being understanding.”

“So, could you let me in? I could really use a drink.”

Jerome hesitated.

 _Please don’t begin another sentence with “I don’t want to argue with you”_ , Lemony thought. _It’s seriously getting old_. Not that Lemony didn’t have any possibly overused phrases himself, but at least _his_ phrase was informative. It explained what a word or a phrase meant. Jerome’s “I don’t want to argue with you” explained nothing, and was simply contradictory when he then proceeded to argue anyway, albeit in a mild manner.

“I don’t want to argue with you,” Jerome said, and Lemony sighed inwardly. “But doesn’t what you just said proved my point that you could very likely be someone impersonating Lemony Snicket?”

“How about,” Lemony began slowly. “I explain my motive for asking to meet with you, and you could decide if that’s satisfactory enough even if you can’t be sure if I am, actually, Lemony Snicket.”

Jerome considered, and nodded carefully. “I could do that.”

“Jacques and I … have a niece. One Jacques never got the chance to meet, and she’s looking to speak to people who once knew him.”

Jerome blinked. “Kit has a child?”

“Had,” Lemony corrected. “But yes.”

Jerome’s previous resolve softened. “Oh.” He hesitated again, then said. “Come in. I will make you that tea.”

**Author's Note:**

> [come say hi on tumblr](https://beatricebidelaire.tumblr.com)


End file.
